Another Blurb about a Breakup

Okay, it's starting to sink in now. I've been trying to start packing today but it's slow going...getting up off your ass and out the door is so much easier when you're angry, just being hurt is never enough. Just being hurt does not push all thoughts of hope out of your head. With each piece I put in a suitcase or box or bag I find I'm moving slower and slower...giving him plenty of time to come home and tell me he's made a terrible mistake, that he'll do whatever it takes not to loose me. Silly, and slightly pathetic. You know what else would be easier if, since he's the one that doesn't want to be in this relationship, he was the one to leave. Isn't there some rule book that lays out the etiquette of breaking up...there should be, goddammit! Okay, actually I don't want to get stuck with the rent here, that's why I'm the one going, now I remember. You know I've heard that old "why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?" adage and I've always believed it but this is harder than it sounds. I don't dislike him, am still attracted to him, he still feels like home, like family to me, that's what makes it so difficult. I worry for him, but that is all I can do, he was never my responsibility, he's not my child, I don't have to take care of him, he's a grown man and he'll be fine without me, and I will be fine without him. The pain is only for now, it will pass and life will continue in a way it wouldn't have done before this. But right now, today, it feels like more than I can bear.

A blurb about a break up

Aerial view of my new, expanded front garden.

(It'll fill in!)

My wonderful, resurrected, backyard herb garden

So my relationship has finally seen it's end. After six years together my partner and I have decided to call it quits. I can't say I'm happy or sad, I'm just numb, I don't feel anything except a nagging disappointment at loosing the beautiful garden I just created in the front yard. That must be saying something....sorry to never see the garden, not the boy. After all that has happened in the last sixteen months, I guess this was inevitable, the next logical step. I am so very scared of what will come; the adjustment period, if you will. I will have to apply for Welfare in order to afford a place to live since I am not yet working. How embarrassing. Well, I guess the challenge will be not to become complacent, to take this kick in the teeth and use it as a kick in the ass to get up and get on with my life. A clean slate is how I should approach this, a chance to live as I want and do whatever I like. Though I fear I will become the little old lady living alone in some tiny apartment...except I'm allergic to cats.... I won't even have the cats to keep me company! Great!